I didn’t need a body count to be bi - and neither do you. Here’s why. By Lisa Opel
If you've questioned your bisexuality but never acted on it, this is for you.
If you've questioned your bisexuality but never acted on it, this is for you.
Being Bisexual Isn’t About Who You’ve Slept With - It’s About Who Makes You Tingle
Let’s start with the question I hear more than any other:
“Can I be bisexual without dating a woman?”
“Can I be bisexual without dating a woman?”
Yes, darling. Loudly and proudly - yes.
Bisexuality without experience is still bisexuality. It’s about attraction, not action. It's not about what you’ve done, but what you feel. Whether it's a glance that lingers, a daydream that returns, or a quiet curiosity - if you're drawn to more than one gender, you're in the club. No tally needed.
Bisexuality without experience is still bisexuality. It’s about attraction, not action. It's not about what you’ve done, but what you feel. Whether it's a glance that lingers, a daydream that returns, or a quiet curiosity - if you're drawn to more than one gender, you're in the club. No tally needed.
“Remember, bisexuality doesn't mean halfway between gay or straight. It is its own identity.” - Evan Rachel Wood
So if you’ve never kissed a woman, never slept with a woman, or never even flirted with one, that doesn’t disqualify your desires. Your identity isn’t waiting for a milestone to make it real.
Can I Be Bisexual Without Sexual Experience? Absolutely.
If you’ve typed “how to know if you’re bisexual” into Google or whispered “am I bi or just curious?” to a friend - know that you are not alone. Many of us are asking the same questions.
Here's the truth:
- You can be bi without dating a woman.
- A dating history isn’t required.
- Your truth is enough.
“I fall in love with human beings based on who they are, not based on what they do or what sex they are.” - Shailene Woodley
Attraction isn’t a checklist. You don’t need receipts to validate what lives inside you.
Why So Many Women Feel Like They Have to “Prove It"
There’s a lingering myth - one that bites deep into our confidence - that unless we’ve done something with another woman, we’re just “curious.”
This idea is rooted in internalised biphobia - the belief that bisexuality is somehow less real, or just a stepping stone on the way to something more defined. But sexuality is rarely that neat.
“To exclude bisexuality from discussions of history, culture, or science is to belittle the human capacity for love and attraction.” - Julia Shaw
You don’t need to earn your bisexuality with a sexual resume.
However, you don’t need to prove anything to anyone - not even yourself.
However, you don’t need to prove anything to anyone - not even yourself.
Still Bi, Even If…
Ok, so let’s bust the most common bisexuality myths wide open:
- Never dated a woman? Still bi.
- Kissed a girl once and liked it? Still bi.
- Fantasize about women but haven’t acted on it? Bi, babe.
- Married to a man but still feel the pull? Absolutely. Still. Bi.
Bisexuality without experience is still bisexuality.
It doesn't require a “balanced” history. It doesn’t have to follow a timeline. It just has to be yours.
That said, many women still question their place.
Exploring Bisexuality in a Straight Relationship
If you're in a hetero-presenting relationship, you might wonder where your bisexuality fits. Here's the truth: being in a monogamous or straight-looking relationship doesn't erase your identity.
Plenty of bi women find themselves wondering:
What if I want to explore more? What if I’m missing something?
What if I want to explore more? What if I’m missing something?
You’re allowed to feel that.
And if you want to explore it - with honesty, curiosity, and care - spaces like Skirt Club exist exactly for this. Safe. Sexy. No pressure. Just possibilities.
And if you want to explore it - with honesty, curiosity, and care - spaces like Skirt Club exist exactly for this. Safe. Sexy. No pressure. Just possibilities.
“My sexuality is not a phase. I am who I am.” - Cara Delevingne
For example, a single kiss doesn’t make or break your identity.
What If I Never Explore It Physically?
That’s valid too. If she only lives in your thoughts, if the fantasy stays in your head - you’re still bi.
You don’t have to sleep with someone to know you’re attracted to them. Desire doesn’t become real only after it’s acted on.
Whether it stays unspoken or becomes part of your lived experience, your bisexuality is still real.
So, what does that mean for you?
Final Thoughts
Whether you’re gently questioning or confidently claiming your bisexuality, know this: you’re not alone - and you’re not on anyone else’s timeline but your own. Your identity is valid in its quiet moments and its loud ones, in your fantasies and your facts, in your hesitations and your hopes. Let this be your invitation to honour the way your desire moves - and follow where it leads, in your own beautiful, unapologetic way.
Why So Many Women Feel Invisible
Many women feel invisible in their bisexuality - especially if they’ve never dated women, are in long-term relationships with men, or are still figuring things out privately. This invisibility is often made worse by cultural myths that suggest bisexuality isn’t “real” unless it’s acted on, or that it's just a phase on the way to something more definitive.
Claiming Your Bisexuality Without a Checklist
I wrote this article to affirm what so many women already know deep down: that bisexuality is valid, full, and worthy of recognition, regardless of experience. You don’t need a “body count,” a coming-out speech, or a history of same-sex relationships to own your truth.
We explore common misconceptions, the impact of internalised biphobia, and the spectrum of attraction - from fantasy to full expression. Whether you’re quietly questioning or proudly identifying, you deserve language that reflects your reality - and a community that embraces it.
If you’ve ever whispered, “Am I allowed to feel this way?” - this is your sign that yes, you are.
Educational Insight: Myths, the Spectrum & Visibility
- We define bisexuality as attraction to more than one gender. It doesn’t require equal attraction to all genders or physical proof to be valid.
- Common myths include: “it’s just a phase,” “bisexuals are promiscuous,” or “you have to be equally attracted to men and women.” These are all false and deeply stigmatizing.
- The Kinsey Scale (0–6) was one of the first tools to represent sexuality as a spectrum. Today, many use broader concepts of fluidity to better capture the real, nuanced nature of human desire.
- Internalised biphobia and bisexual erasure remain real issues, often leading to increased mental health challenges for bisexual individuals - especially those who don’t feel “queer enough.”
Let’s change that, together.
Ready to explore your bisexuality? Don’t wait.
Dip your toes in with our Embody Your True Body online course from the comfort of home, connect with like-minded women at a social soirée, or go bold and attend one of our unforgettable Signature Parties. The journey starts with you. Check out our events worldwide here.
A Personal Note from Lisa
I came out as bisexual in my 30s, after years of wondering if I was “allowed” to claim it without a history of relationships with women. I hadn’t “done the thing.” I was married. I was unsure. But the attraction - the knowing - had always been there. Quiet, but constant.
So I claimed it.
And everything opened up.
And everything opened up.
If you're reading this with a soft ache of recognition, let that be your sign: you don't need permission to be who you are. You already are.
About Lisa Opel
Lisa Opel is a bisexual author, TEDx speaker, and unapologetic pleasure advocate. She is the author of two provocative books - GIVE IT TO ME! and SEX SEX SEX: Your Complete Sexuality Workbook - both bold, beautifully written explorations of eroticism, intimacy, and identity.
Lisa also hosts the bilingual podcast DEEP&DIRTY, where she dives into the real stories and juicy questions around sexuality, sensuality, and self-discovery. Her TEDx talk - Rediscovering sex after a dry spell - tackled the modern complexities of love, lust, and reclaiming desire.
When she’s not writing or podcasting, Lisa regularly hosts live erotic readings, creating spaces where women can feel seen, heard, and turned on - intellectually and otherwise.
FAQs About Being Bisexual Without Experience
Q: Can I be bisexual if I’ve only dated men?
A: Yes. Bisexuality is defined by who you’re attracted to, not by who you’ve been with. You can be bisexual even if you’ve never dated or slept with a woman.
A: Yes. Bisexuality is defined by who you’re attracted to, not by who you’ve been with. You can be bisexual even if you’ve never dated or slept with a woman.
Q: Is bisexuality valid without any experience?
A: Absolutely. You don’t need a “body count” or sexual history to claim your identity. Attraction alone is enough.
A: Absolutely. You don’t need a “body count” or sexual history to claim your identity. Attraction alone is enough.
Q: How do I know if I’m bisexual or just curious?
A: If you feel ongoing, genuine attraction to more than one gender, that’s a strong sign. Curiosity is valid - but it’s often part of a deeper truth waiting to be explored.
A: If you feel ongoing, genuine attraction to more than one gender, that’s a strong sign. Curiosity is valid - but it’s often part of a deeper truth waiting to be explored.
Q: Is bisexuality just a phase?
A: No. This is a myth rooted in stigma. Many people identify as bisexual their entire lives, even if their relationships appear hetero or homo at times.
A: No. This is a myth rooted in stigma. Many people identify as bisexual their entire lives, even if their relationships appear hetero or homo at times.
Q: Can I explore my bisexuality while in a relationship with a man?
A: Yes, with honesty and communication. Your desire doesn’t disappear in a relationship - exploring it safely is valid and deeply personal.
A: Yes, with honesty and communication. Your desire doesn’t disappear in a relationship - exploring it safely is valid and deeply personal.
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