Am I Bisexual? Some advice on what to look for when you are questioning your sexuality

Sexuality is on a large spectrum and defining your own sexuality is never black and white. In recent years there’s been more visibility for bisexuality in the public sphere. From politicians (Cat Smith, UK) to celebrities (Cara Delavigne, Shannon Purser, Amber Heard, etc), to TV and films no longer killing off bisexual characters as a matter of course, it’s normal for the added visibility to make you consider your own sexuality.

That’s perfectly normal and okay! There comes a time in many women’s lives when they might start to wonder what it would be like to be with a woman, or maybe just a lustful thought flits across your mind when a beautiful lady walks in the room. Whatever it may be that sparks your interest, there are some signs that might help you better understand what’s happening.

For one, you really appreciate the female form. I’m not talking about you wishing you had her hips or stomach or chest. I mean when you properly start thinking about a woman’s body: noticing her curves, the swing of her hips when she walks, the lines that lead your eye from one place to another. You may start to think about tracing a path up her body with your fingertips, wondering what it would be like to be entwined. You may find yourself staring a little too long, feel a bit of tingling on the inside, and tell yourself it was their killer style you were admiring. But, it’s okay to admit that it was much more than that.

You may have discovered that your girl crush feels more like a real crush. There’s a difference between a girl crush and a regular crush. If you have a girl crush, you might be jealous of her hair, wardrobe, and fast metabolism. You might want to hang out with her all the time because she’s fun to be around and you constantly vent to her.

But a crush is a lot more.

When you say you want to get to know her better, you really mean you want to get to know everything about her, from her childhood upbringing to her hopes and dreams. You’re not just jealous of her hair but you’re jealous of her boyfriend or the people she flirts with. When you say you want to hang out with her all the time, it’s more than just because you both love to watch Stranger Things. You want to hang out with her all the time because you’re slowly beginning to feel something more intense.

Girl crushes are pretty common, but if you find yourself having proper-crush feelings about a woman, then you might want to explore that a little more, especially if the woman in questions turns you on.

It seems really obvious. But, there is some merit in 1+1=2, especially when that means 1 woman, plus you, equals a situation that gets you really hot. If you find yourself becoming turned on by a woman, thinking about what it would be like to be intimate with her and it’s getting you hot and bothered, chances are, you may be into women, at least enough to do some exploration. This really makes sense if you’ve already hit some bases with her, maybe spent some time kissing, touching, going a bit further… If this is doing it for you, keep going and see where it leads.

It may lead you to fantasise about women. While thinking about women while you masturbate is totally normal for everyone from time to time, masturbating to fantasies about you hooking up with specific women (even if they are celebrities or people you will never meet), it might mean you’re attracted to women more than as a passing whimsy. If you’re fantasizing about having sex with that cute girl you always thought you had a friend crush on, but you’re slowly starting to realize it might be more of a real crush, then it’s a pretty good sign that you could be more into women than you thought.

Sometimes you just need to be open and honest with yourself about what you are, or aren’t feeling. Admitting that it feels right that you’re attracted to women is immensely freeing and empowering. You might be hiding your feelings in fear of being judged or shamed, but if identifying as bisexual speaks to your heart, then you can’t ignore it. After all, at the end of the day, you’re the only person who can label and define you.

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