Bisexual sex with women unpacked: intent, touch, consent, toys, STI safety and aftercare for a confident first Skirt Club night.

The Basics of Bisexual Sex With Women

A cheeky cheat-sheet for your first Skirt Club night

By Lisa Opel

You’ve booked the ticket, circled the date, and now your brain is throwing a last-minute wobble: Am I really about to have bisexual sex with another woman? Where do my hands even start? Take a breath, love. This guide is your calm, cheeky how-to for that first Skirt Club night, and will help you swap nerves with curiosity. 

Your First Skirt Club Night

Important: picture the party as a flirty tapas spread. You can nibble, feast, or politely skip a plate. Your palate, your pace. Enthusiastic consent is the only must-have condiment; everything else you can spice as you fancy.

Begin With You

Before anyone touches your knickers, make yourself a cuppa and answer three questions:

1. What feeling am I after tonight? (Thrill, tenderness, a brunch story?)
2. What would leave me twitchy tomorrow?
3. What sits in the maybe-if-the-vibe-is-right column?

Write the answers down somewhere private; a partner can only meet you when you know where you stand. 

Reality Check

Myths, meet science. Roughly three-quarters of women need clitoral touch to climax, and partnered pleasure can take six to twenty minutes (sometimes longer). Translation: there’s no stopwatch and no single “right” script. Any outcome that leaves everyone sweaty and smiling counts as a win. 

First Contact

Drift in as though you’re tasting a sun-warmed peach: soft lips first, just enough pressure to feel her exhale. A slow breath against her lower lip is an unspoken more please? Match her inhale-exhale rhythm for a few cycles; your nervous systems will settle into the same lazy beat. Only then, lightly, begin a dialogue of tongues.

Hands That Wander

Start at shoulders and outer arms, then glide down the back, waist and outer hips. If she leans in, keep exploring her breasts with a teasing knuckle around the areola, pausing to ask, “More like this?”. Inner thighs are the tease corridor; a fingernail graze here buzzes straight to the clitoris while keeping the mystery delicious. Fire in your gaze is optional but delightful at this point.

Before We Head South

Resist the road straight to genitals. Linger where her body is already humming. When you can’t wait any more, or you feel her body wanting, simply ask, “May I lick you?” Wait for an eager yes; anything less means stay where you are. 

Centre Stage

Picture her vulva as a clock. Kiss three, six, nine and twelve, moving in slow circles along the labia and varying broad, warm licks with feather-light flicks. Hold the clitoral hood between softly pulsing lips; indirect tension can be hotter than a direct press early on. When she invites penetration, glide lubed fingers just inside, curl toward the pubic bone in a gentle come-here, and keep your tongue dancing up top. Blending inside and outside touch lights up more nerve pathways than either on its own. And now? Play. Observe. Ask. Compliment. Steady beats matter more than speed, and remember: orgasm is a possible destination, not a compulsory finale.

Nails & Teeth

Add another level of stimulation. Fingers first, nails second. Trace from nape to lower back at a “two-out-of-five” scratch, then soothe with a warm palm. On the inner thigh, alternate an open-mouthed kiss, a gentle teeth scrape or nibble and a flat tongue lick. This is teasing, not the main course. Read her body’s replies and keep it playful. 

Toys

Vibes and dildos are cheeky extras. Warm a dab of water-based lube between your palms, then smooth it over whichever toy is about to make an appearance. Start by tracing it along her outer lips, lingering outside until she asks for more. Go slow and watch her reactions. The sighs, shivers and smiles will guide you. Or, hand her a suction toy so she can dial up the pulse while you wander elsewhere. If you’re curious to try a double-ended dildo, slide it in together and rock rather than thrust; that shared rhythm sends both clitorises purring in harmony. Toys are fun. Play!

Keep it squeaky-clean: Skirt Club is strictly BYO, so pack lube, slip a fresh condom over every toy, avoid swapping, wash before and after, and, if you’re feeling advanced, clip on a strap-on for hands-free thrills.

Consent & Language

Confidence sounds like: “Still good?”, “Slower?”, “More pressure here?” Tiny, invitational check-ins keep both of you tuned in, and clear requests (“Tongue right here, please”) are an elaborate form of dirty talk. 

Your Pleasure

You are not a side quest. If you’re giving without receiving (and wish to receive), pause and say, “My turn; can I show you what I like?” Demonstrate on yourself first if that’s easier, then invite her to mirror your touch. And don’t forget: some nights you climax, some you don’t. 

Aftercare

When the waves of pleasure ease, keep one point of contact: fingertip doodles on her arm or a kiss at her temple. Offer water, chocolate or a warm towel. These little comforts coax the nervous system back to cosy. Swap one highlight each; these mini-stories seal the memory and stoke desire for next time. 

After the Glow

As clothes slide back on and the playlist drifts to a hush, you’ll know whether the moment calls for swapping numbers or a quick cuddle before heading out. If it feels right, drop a thank-you text, and jot the highlights (but also anything that keeps your mind wandering) in your journal. Trust me, pleasure often blossoms all over again the next morning. IYKYK.

Safety First: STI Basics

Women-only spaces still need safer sex. Skirt Club stocks condoms and dental dams, but gloves aren’t always on hand, so if you have preferences just BYO. Slip a nitrile glove on the hand you plan to use internally, and book regular STI screens every three to six months if you have multiple partners. Barriers and testing are comfort items, just like soft towels and sparkling water, that let everyone relax.

About This Article

Written for bi-curious and bisexual women headed to their first Skirt Club event, this piece offers a calm, step-by-step look at intent-setting, body-based pleasure, consent language, safer-sex basics, and aftercare. The aim is to swap first-night jitters for clear options and respectful curiosity so you can focus on connection rather than second-guessing what comes next.

Ready to Explore? Start Here.

Whether you're just taking a peak into your desires or ready to leap into the unknown, we’ve got you. Try our Embody Your True Body online course from the comfort of home, meet like-minded women at a social soirée, or take it to the next level at one of our iconic Signature Parties.

Explore all upcoming events at skirtclub.co.uk/events ✨

A Personal Note from Lisa

I once clutched the handrail outside my first party, certain everyone else had received an instruction manual I’d missed. One warm smile and a single question, “What are you curious about tonight?”, turned jitters into giddy excitement. You don’t have to earn your place, and you owe no-one anything beyond what feels right in this breath. Stay curious, speak up for your pleasure, and I’ll be cheering you on with stilettos off and heart wide open. 

xx Lisa

About Lisa Opel

Lisa Opel is a bisexual author, TEDx speaker, and unapologetic pleasure advocate. She is the author of two provocative books - GIVE IT TO ME! and SEX SEX SEX: Your Complete Sexuality Workbook - both bold, beautifully written explorations of eroticism, intimacy, and identity.

Lisa also hosts the bilingual podcast DEEP&DIRTY, where she dives into the real stories and juicy questions around sexuality, sensuality, and self-discovery. Her TEDx talk - Rediscovering sex after a dry spell - tackled the modern complexities of love, lust, and reclaiming desire.

As a confidante to many women navigating their desires and identities, Lisa offers not just her services, her insights, a shoulder, but intimacy; creating spaces through her one-on-one sessions, workshops, writing, events, and live erotic readings where women feel seen, heard, and deliciously understood.

Quick-Fire FAQs

Do I need to bring anything for safer sex?
Skirt Club keeps a basket of essentials: condoms, dental dams, and single-use lube packets within easy reach at every event. Still, a small “just-for-me” kit is smart: gloves that fit your hand, a barrier brand you know feels good, and your favourite lube. With personal supplies on hand you’ll never have to break the mood to rummage, and you’re guaranteed products you trust.

How do I ask if she’s been tested?
Lead with your own status: “I’m up-to-date on my STI screen, how about you? I’ve also got protection if we need them.” Sharing first turns the question into teamwork rather than interrogation.

How do I ask for consent?
Try framing each next step as a gentle invitation rather than a yes-or-no quiz. Early on, something like “What touch sounds good to you right now?” opens the floor for her preferences. When you’re ready to shift gears, offer a concrete option: “I’d love to slide lower, does that feel right?” If you’re already in motion and want to adjust, steer with a choice: “Softer swirl or steady glide?” Fresh questions keep the dialogue alive without echoing the same words, and they let her guide the experience moment by moment.

What if I don’t climax or she doesn’t?
Orgasm isn’t the scorecard. Check in with something like, “Want to keep going, slow down, or just cuddle for a bit?” Peaks, plateaus, and after-glow tingles all count as success if everyone feels satisfied.

Where should my hands go first?
Begin with shoulders, outer arms, and back. If she leans in or sighs (happily), drift to hips, waist, and finally the inner thighs. Gentle check-ins keep everyone satisfied.

How do I politely stop something mid-flow?
A calm “Can we pause for a sec?” is enough. Follow it with what does feel good, like“Could we get back to kissing for a bit?” Redirection keeps the vibe positive.

Is lube always necessary?
Almost always helpful. A few drops reduce friction during hand or toy play even when she’s naturally wet. Silicone or hybrid formulas last longest for external play; stick to water-based with silicone toys.

Should toys be sanitised between partners?
Absolutely. Wash with fragrance-free soap and hot water, or wipe down with 70 % isopropyl alcohol. If you’re sharing a toy in the same session, slip on a fresh condom between users.