How to Prepare for Your First Time with a Woman

Congrats! You have decided to dive into the unknown territory of hooking up with women and exploring your sexuality. This is no easy feat and many of us take quite a few years (or decades) to choose to explore. Whether you are choosing to be poly and bi at 45 or experiencing first love at 18, it’s all valid!

Mixed in with that elation may be a bundle of nerves too. That’s to be expected. Do you know anyone, regardless of where they exist on the LGBTQ spectrum, who hasn’t had that rush of emotions their first time? It’s totally natural to be both scared and excited.

It’s the same excitement experienced before any first sexual experience because it’s new, titillating, arousing, scary, and exciting all at the same time. But, there are ways that you can help to calm your nerves and prepare you for your first time with a woman.

First off, have a plan in place. Are you meeting at a cocktail bar, going to her place, or yours? Get the admin bits out of the way, so you can focus on the fun ahead. On a similar note, though alcohol may settle some butterflies, try to remember that those butterflies are a good thing, and there is a difference between a drunken hook up and a night of hot sex with a beautiful woman. Trust us, you will want to remember the latter.

It may sound quite simple, but doing some preliminary research can set your mind at ease if you’ve not done anything with a woman before. Girl sex is not all Pornhub (but if you want it to be, that works too). Bodies work and respond differently from person to person. What you see in porn, or in films, or even what you’ve imagined, will be different in real life. There are loads of resources online for learning what to expect, what to do to make her feel good, and for being more comfortable when you get up close to another woman’s body.

The flip side of this is knowing yourself and what does it for you. This comes from practice (i.e masturbation). Yes, you can practice on yourself. What feels good to you is likely to feel amazing coming from you – keep that in mind. You are both women, after all, and are very likly to have some of the same buttons to press. So, don’t be shy when it comes to working out what gets you off. Test out hands, dragging fingers across skin, and don’t be afraid to try new toys on yourself before you use them on someone else.

Though a first time can be nerve-wracking, it will be fun too. Try to balance any fears with the knowledge that she’s likely just as nervous (even if she has experience), and just have fun. The best sex is always sex that is fun, and funny. Don’t be afraid to mess up and laugh or ask if something feels good, likewise, tell her when it does. Talking can be very sexy. There is this huge misconception that women are queens on pedestals. We are, but there’s nothing like having sex with another woman to throw the pedestal out the window. You are equals. The moments you are creating together aren’t some divine occurrence, but a natural and fun attraction between two people who happen to be women.

So, breathe, and remember that it’s okay to have sex with a woman now, next time, never, or from now on. There is a huge amount of pressure on women to label themselves after their first same-sex experience. Try not to listen to that. Take the pressure off yourself. Take your time and do, or don’t, label yourself on your own terms.

This is especially important as attitudes change and sexual identities expand and alter with societal development and progress, and as we grow in ourselves. Take from it what you will. Just because you are about to have your first sexy encounter with a woman doesn’t mean anything you don’t want it to mean.

Think instead about trying to sit back, relax, and enjoy the situation. If there’s a beautiful lady waiting and wanting you, then the most excruciating part of trying something new has already happened. It’s okay to be nervous. It’s okay to be tentative. It’s okay to be brave and try something new. Who knows, you may have even found something you’ve been missing.

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