An Open Letter from a Lesbian to a Bi-curious Woman: A Guide to Flirting Confidently

It’s not hard to imagine, is it? That time you were really into a woman and found that as you made your way to speak with her, you suddenly forgot most of your vocabulary. Or the time you thought she was flirting with you, so your awkward came out front and center.

Why is it that we can be charming and endlessly witty when it comes to casual chats with women, but when you’re into her, really into her, all of your grace goes out the window?

They key is to have fun with it. We’ve all been there. Even the most experienced lesbian had a hard time keeping eye contact with an attractive girl once upon a time. We all have beginnings. It’s important to enjoy and honor your process, rather than shaming yourself for being interested! Here are a few easy tips to let women know you’re into them without getting in your own way:
  1. Eye contact. This is key. We communicate so much with our eyes. Holding eye contact is a powerfully casual way of catching a woman’s attention and inviting her into your space. Lean your head a little to the left - this is a great way of using body language to suggest interest. Also, while making eye contact with her, be sure to glance down, bat your eyelashes, laugh, then meet her gaze again. Sounds simple, but it works!
  2. Low-Key Touch. Another great way of insinuating that you’re into her is physical touch. If you’ve been chatting for a few minutes and the sexual attraction is there, casually brush your hand against her forearm as you continue conversation. If you’re feeling bold, touch her knee or lower back. Establishing physical connectivity is a huge part of successful flirting. Notice how she reacts to your touch. If she smiles, you’re doing it right. Read her body language before continuing. It’s like a roadmap for flirting. Read the signs!
  3. Compliments, ladies! This is a great way of dropping verbal hints that you’re into her. Nothing too over the top. Keep it simple. For example, “By the way, I’ve been meaning to tell you: you have stunning eyes,” or “Has anyone told you that you have a beautiful smile?” Be specific so you don't sound canned or like you're dropping a used-before line. If you like the way her legs look, instead of saying something like “You have great legs,” try something like “Those heels make your legs look amazing!” Making a woman feel appreciated and seen is by far the sexiest thing you can do. She’ll feel comfortable with you, and that is key to confident flirting.
  4. Be mysterious and go with your gut. Don’t divulge too much information during your first go around. Keep her interested by sharing just enough. Nothing screws up a great flirt like a woman going on and on and on about her problems. Save that for a time when you’re more comfortable and open with each other. For now, keep it light and funny. Ask HER questions and listen. Hear her. If you find that you aren't asking follow up questions, check in with yourself. Are you truly hearing her? Flirting isn’t just about you. It’s about making her feel appreciated and desired. So desire more than her body and she’s bound to swoon. If it feels right, go with it. Trust your instincts. They’re usually right.
  5. Ask for them digits, girl! If the mood is right and you’re both laughing and enjoying each other, remember to ask for her phone number. Again, keep it casual and fun. Something along the lines of, “I really enjoy you. I definitely want to keep in touch. Here, give me your number and I’ll text you mine.” Notice how you don’t give her a chance to say no. You’re confident. You know what you want. Be courageous and go and get it!
And there you have it. Sounds simple enough, right? Flirting is meant to be a fun way of connecting with a woman, so enjoy yourself! It’s not about making your interaction transactional. In fact, not only can you can put these moves into practice but you can also keep an eye out for when women are using these on you! You’ll get the swing of it soon enough.

For more fun and empowering tips, be sure to check us out at The Sex Summit.

About The Author Debbie Rodriguez is a Hypnotist, Author, Speaker, and Co-Founder of The Sex Summit, an organization aimed at inspiring women to honor their experiences and celebrate their sexuality. Read more here.

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