How To Discover What She Likes

Tips to help you learn what she likes in bed

It’s totally normal to be nervous the first time you have sex with a new person. You’re not sure what they want to do, whether you’ll both experience mutual pleasure, or if they’ll appreciate your signature sex move.

Women are complex sexual beings… But her body doesn’t have to be such a mystery.

If you are exploring another woman, maybe for the first time, maybe for the 101st time, it’s important to remember that everyone is different and we all enjoy different things. Aside from building your own sexual confidence, here’s a few things you can do to help discover what she likes in the bedroom - before, during and after.

Ask her!
Firstly, just ask! Make it a fun and playful question, slipped into flirting. What do they enjoy most about sex? What’s their favourite position or sexual act? What kind of touch do they like? Where do they like to be touched?

Two women talking on a beach
Think Tactically
If you don’t feel comfortable asking the question straight up, try to think outside the box.

We once learned a neat trick from a psychosexual therapist: tell them you’d like to play a game. Ask her to describe the sea in one word, except they can’t say ‘blue’ or ‘wet’. Listen to their answer. Perhaps they say rough, or calm, or sensual, or deep. Supposedly, their answer will correlate with how they like to have sex.

Share your own story
Try telling them what you like in the bedroom. This should remove any barriers or fears of her feeling shy to discuss her own desires. Opening up could lead to a magical conversation where you both share past experiences or fantasies.

Get Graphic
Depending on how well you know her, it might be a fun idea to send her the Graphic Sex Project. Here you fill in your own sexual experiences or desires, and have the option to share the graph with each other - hopefully taking you one step closer to making your fantasies a reality.

The Graphic sex project
Sweet kisses
You are in bed together, but you aren’t sure which buttons to press, or how hard! One wonderfully sensual idea comes from the co-host of the Authentic Dating Series, David Chambers, who suggests kissing her from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. Tune closely into her every response, her every movement, breath and moan. She’ll likely freeze or hold her breath in silence if you hit a not so pleasurable spot, but deep breathe and moan in pleasure at the bit she wants you to focus on.

Find this difficult? For a clearer indication, hold her hand and have her squeeze it when you reach a sweet spot to focus on.

Show and tell
If you feel comfortable, mutual masturbation, or masturbation in front of each other is a great way to discover what she wants, how she wants it, and how she cums. If she’s enthusiastic about the idea, but feeling a little bit self conscious, you could always try with her wearing a blindfold while she touches herself.

This idea is also perfect for the keen voyeur or exhibitionists amongst us ;)

Pillow Talk
This study found that women are most open and connected right after sex, and especially after orgasm. Of course, if you are still discovering her body, you may not have gotten to orgasm, and that’s ok. Pleasure is the name of the game! During pillow talk you can both express what you liked, what didn’t tickle your fancy, or what you’d like more of next time.

Get Sexty
Desire and arousal usually begins with a fantasy. But why keep it all to yourself when you can write it in a text and sext it to her! See how she responds to certain ideas, and hopefully she will open up about her own. Ultimately, with the aim of making your mutual sexting fantasies a reality.

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