by Queen Cassie Hart 

Am I bisexual, lesbian, gay or queer? 

I always thought labelling sexuality was stupid. Akin to establishing ethnic origin. Black; white; Asian; Arab. Mixed race; Hispanic. I always tick the same box: ‘Mixed other’. I am half Moroccan. I am a quarter Italian and a quarter Austrian. I was born and raised in the UK. I have dark eyes and even darker hair but fair skin and a posh accent. I speak Arabic and I can belly dance. I also make a mean Sunday roast and am terribly picky about my tea. So where do I fit?

I don’t. I never have. And my sexuality is no different. I tried being straight. That wasn’t for me. I thought for a long time I was gay, dating women exclusively. Even marrying one. That’s not quite right either. I’m not bisexual I don’t think - I don’t mind shagging men but I’m still unable to form an emotional attachment to them. I could just marry and have a conventional life.

My mother would love that. Or find a nice girlfriend. Either way, I would be telling the world that they had my permission to pigeon hole me. I would be simple to explain or understand. She likes women and is a lesbian. She likes men and is straight. No crossover, no blank space, no in between. Just black and white. Except the world isn’t like that. I am not one or the other and when you think about it, very few of us are. If we were, the world would be a boring and colourless place.

“There’s a ton of biphobia - people refuse to accept bisexuality as an actual sexuality.” (Halsey)

Like the wallflowers at the school prom, bisexuals have had a hard time fitting in. Bisexuals are the ones who slip through the net, blend and shapeshift. Although the overall number of people in the UK identifying as heterosexual is falling, bisexuals account for 0.9% of the population in the UK (ONS, 2018) and 3% in the US (GSS). But aside from the male-gaze driven lesbian fetish becoming commonplace in western popular culture, bisexuals are most likely to suffer the worst mental health of all our other brothers and sisters on the rainbow, according to the world’s largest study of bisexual people by the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society (ARCSHS) in 2019.

“Remember, bisexuality doesn't mean halfway between gay or straight. It is its own identity.” (Evan Rachel Wood)

Bisexuality is more of a valid and recognised sexual identity than it was before. The bisexual community thrives and our acceptance of the human ability to be equally attracted to both genders is easier than it was before. Bisexual people are not as lilkely to be labelled as greedy or confused. They are yet another wonderful colour on our multifaceted rainbow. But it’s fair to say that Bisexuality is the poor unfortunate cousin of its better known counterparts Lesbian, Gay and Transgender. It is the quiet, unassuming B in LGBT. Once upon a time it was a stop on the road to gay town, a gateway drug to a 'homosexual awakening'.

Kinsey and co

Today, the Skirt Club community has more than ten thousand members across 6 countries and from the beginning, we've asked new members signing up where they see themselves on the scale. 80% of Skirt Club’s members are on the 'hetero' side of the scale (points 1, 2 or 3) as opposed to 70% a few years back. It was useful to us to identify how our members saw themselves so we could offer them experiences that complimented their worldview. But let's face it. Kinsey is long dead and there are new ways of identifying sexuality that compliment a wider spectrum of sexuality...and more importantly...desire. The ‘purple-red scale’ being one of them.

In a nutshell. here's what we know about our members based on the info they share (or reveal!) to us.

  • more women are becoming open about being curious about other women.
  • more women are joining Skirt Club in anticipation of a first experience
  • society is more understanding about sexual fluidity and women no longer feel embarrassed to explore.
  • Skirt Club is regarded as a safe place to explore and attracts many first timers and novices.

Skirt Club's magic membership

No matter where they fall on the scale, our members are pretty varied. They are married, single, straight, lesbian, black, white, British, born overseas but now living in the UK/US/Australia, some are wanderers and jet setters who dip in and out of parties across the globe. We have grown and expanded over the last six years. For most women, we're the place you can go when you question their sexuality. Our hostesses support and reassure. We accept and welcome in a world that doesn't always feel ready to accept what we all have to offer.

Skirt Club's US Community Director Topanga Turk is a staple on Skirt Club's Insta Stories, regularly encouraging shy and curious women to embrace their curiosity with panache.

“Skirt Club is a space for you to take hold of your own desires. Our community stands by you and we applaud your bravery. It takes a badass woman to put herself first. To take hold of her own curiosity and be vulnerable enough to explore that newness. We are not here to label or question your motives. We are here to reassure you that no matter how or why you found your way to us, we are delighted to have you. Our doors are open to any woman who wants to explore her sexual self, to get to know that self, and to take care of that self”

Finding my home in Skirt Club's Bicurious community

I'm now a proud member of the Skirt Club team. I have offered up my skills to a cause and message I believe in. I'm encouraging women to explore and discover themselves, to believe that they’re worth that focus. Every woman who joins our community is brave. Every member who attends an event deserves our respect. These aren’t easy steps to take but I hope to make them a little less daunting for each and every woman who comes to our door nervous or uncertain.

As a movement first dreamt up by our founder Genevieve, Skirt Club is a story that will keep reinventing itself, changing shape as our members find their way to us. There's still work to be done too, we haven't 'cracked the code' by a long shot. As long as some women face being silenced, then we're all still in the battle for recognition. We're still committed to breaking down barriers to ensure that women are seen and heard and last year we finally came out of the shadows to march in Vienna and New York Pride, representing the Skirt Club brand with our beautiful team and members.

Maybe you're reading these rambles wondering where you fit into all this. Maybe you've attended one of our gorgeous parties and are now wondering if your original Kinsey scale estimate was way off, just like 30% of our members said they felt when we surveyed them in 2018. Maybe you're not sure. Maybe you bloody hate labels...that's perfectly fine.

"Being a queer black woman in America, someone who has been in relationships with both men and women – I consider myself to be a free-*ss motherf*cker." "But then later I read about pansexuality and was like, ‘Oh, these are things that I identify with too,'". "I'm open to learning more about who I am." (Janelle Monae)

Working as a fantasy fulfillment specialist gives me a lot of time to pause and think of my own wishlist for women everywhere. Here are some of the wishes that get me out of bed in the morning. I wish that the whispering voice telling us how we are feeling isn't silenced but followed so passionately that it drowns out any other noise. I wish that women would pursue their desires and not run from them. I wish for women to prioritise themselves without guilt or shame.

So what next?

Skirt Club's founder Genevieve has noticed the pace of change for curious communities and bi and bi curious women owning their place in the rainbow:

"The world is changing before our Skirt Club eyes and it’s wonderful to be a part of a transition to more relaxed attitudes towards sexuality. Skirt Club set out on a mission to normalise bisexuality and we can confidently say we have 100% contributed towards that process...”

The world is changing at such a ridiculous pace. it's almost hard to catch your breath. But we've never rested on our laurels. We're already expanding our offer - a Skirt Club 2.0 experience if you will. Because the world six years ago when we started was completely different - and 2020 is clearly posing new challenges and opportunities. We're still in the business of pleasure and tease and we do this well. But there's so much more that we have to share, too.

Following our dreams, owning and exploring our fantasies gives rise to a confidence that is unparalleled, it makes us better wives, friends, bosses, mothers. The ripple effect into other aspects of your life really is a welcoming side effect. I want to shout from the rooftops that having sex with another woman can open your eyes. It can help you understand yourself. It can change how you view your relationships.

This is the true power and value of what we have to offer. No secret sauce (or juice) required...the first step is signing up!

If there's a revolution on the way, I'll be at the front waving a Skirt Club to join me?

Join Skirt Club members around the globe at our In Chastity online events, taking place in USA, UK, AUS and Germany every Wednesday during the lockdown period

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