Try These 5 New Year Sex Resolutions for better sex in 2020
It happens every year. In January, we set New Year’s Resolutions in the hopes of making a big change in our lives or finally achieving a goal we’ve struggled to complete. And by February, most of those goals have already fallen to the wayside.
When it comes to sex, it feels a little odd to set clear ambitions. There are no specific tutorials or definitive steps to follow for ‘better’ sex. What does ‘better sex’ even mean, anyway? Specific goal-setting such as “we’ll have sex 3 times per week” can also take away some of the mystery and spontaneity we love so much.
It’s time to think differently. This January, let’s talk about mindsets and personal growth. Let’s think about broader aspirations, and explore emotions we want to feel.
How we feel about our sex, and what we want from the year to come, will vary wildly from person to person. But here are some New Year Resolutions for sex and sensuality that we admire. Perhaps you’ll find an idea or two that you can appropriate for yourself!
1. I will broaden my horizonsThis year I will be more open minded and learn more about the sensual and sexual world I live in. I’ll question where my limits are, and be open to conversations with my partner(s) about how I feel about our sex.
I will view conversations about new topics, even ones that make me uncomfortable, as a learning opportunity. These may include conversations about fetishes I haven’t explored, topics such as gender and sexuality, open relationships, sex workers rights, mindful masturbation or tantric sex. Who knows where these discussions may lead me and what exciting experiences or learnings they may unlock.
2. I will be driven by my curiosityI love novel things and experiences. I will explore something new, such as visiting an art gallery, attending a sex-positive event or trying a pole-dancing or burlesque class. Perhaps I’ll even book my first Skirt Club party! I will be curious about the people I meet there, and about how the event makes me feel.
I’ll do my best to embrace the nervousness I have about trying new things - it shows that I care about how it goes!
3. I will learn more about myselfEvery day is an opportunity to get to know myself better, and I recognise that perhaps in the past my experiences of sex education left me with some gaps in knowledge of my own body and my own mind!
I’ll aim to learn more about how my body works. This might mean reading more about specific things like the clitoris, or about how to relax my mind to help me achieve orgasm. Or it could mean practicing masturbation more often! I’ll be kind to myself, even if my body isn’t reacting to something in a way I want it to.
I’ll accept that I can’t help my partner(s) understand how to give me better pleasure if I don’t know myself. I’ll practice giving myself pleasure, perhaps even with my partner watching. During sex, I’ll make sure that I tell my partner when they do something that feels really good.
4. I will focus on what makes me feel goodI’ll recognise that sex is not a specific action, has no defined beginning or end, no prescribed speed or specified order of activities. Instead I’ll focus on how different things make me and my partner(s) feel.
I’ll allow myself to ask for more of what I want and what I need. That could be touches, licks, bites, kisses, penetration, rougher sex, or for more cuddles and intimacy. If I’m frustrated about something, I’ll do my best approach it from a patient and kind perspective.
5. I will take my own steps to get more of what I wantI’ll recognise that I need to advocate for myself, and I will take steps to make my desires my reality. I’ll allow my mind to wander into the maze of my own fantasies. Daydreaming is a great way to explore my desires and fantasies free from judgement.
I’ll practice self-acceptance - knowing that I’m a unique human with my own set of wishes and preferences. I’ll speak up about things that I’d like to try, and I’ll understand that sometimes practice is needed before things can be perfect!
Whether it’s a new job, sexual confidence, or love, I will make my dreams a reality by knowing what I want and going after it!