Perhaps it’s time for a small (and slightly embarrassing) confession. A not so long time ago, I fell asleep. I fell asleep at one of the most inopportune times. During sex. Oral sex. I can give you all the excuses in the world but really - who cares? We’ve all experienced bad sex from time to time but worse than bad sex? Boring sex. Yes, sometimes we just end up with lacklustre lovers. Other times, though, it’s completely on us. We’re not speaking up for what feels good and asking for what we want. So here’s some fun and handy tricks for giving the woman in your life oral sex that is anything but boring!
Oral can be amazing. Sometimes, it can be the best part of a romp in the sheets (or kitchen counter, or your best friend’s futon). The key to remember is that when you’re going down on a woman, getting her head in the game is an important part of her enjoyment and of reaching orgasm. As women, we’ve heard that vaginas are ugly and stinky. That language sticks with us, especially when it’s time for sex. I know that a few of you may be shaking your heads right now, thinking: “No way am I contributing to this kind of thinking!” I ask that you humour me. The easiest way to get your girl comfortable is by using your words. Take a second to acknowledge her lady bits. Moaning something like “Mmm…I love the way you taste...” or “I love going down on you...” will take the edge off and you’ll find her relaxing more and more each time you do it.
Use your tongue. All of it. Just because the clitoris is pointy doesn't mean your tongue should be also. Lay your tongue flat and run it back and forth in a smooth, slow way all the way across her vagina. Taking your time will allow you to feel the clit as it becomes harder and bigger against your tongue. Don't be afraid to suck on it gently, unless you’re instructed otherwise. Take some breaks. Move from her clitoris over to the inside of her thigh, her pubis, her labia. Sure, the clitoris is rocking the most nerve-endings but there’s tons of other skin space clamouring for your attention.
Bring on the finger (or fingers!). The vagina is like an amusement park, you can concentrate on just the one super exciting ride or you can take advantage of all that there is to offer. Now, I know most of you have heard of the fingering technique before. The reason for this is because it works! Take your index and middle fingers and run them around the labia and move them into the vagina, palm up. Move them back and forth in the well-known but not well-practiced “come-hither” motion. You will feel a hard, rough wall that you can run your fingers against. You can go a step further and test your finger’s dexterity by repeatedly making a circular motion with your fingers. The bottom of the circle starts with fingers together, spread away from each other and upwards until they come together to close the circle at the top. Continue this motion while paying attention to her clit with your mouth. You can thank me later.
Using your fingers on the clit. I mentioned the tongue doesn't need to be a lance to feel good. Quite the opposite. Same goes for your fingers. The tip of the clitoris is more sensitive than you probably imagine. Sometimes, going for the direct finger-to-clit contact may be too sensitive if done too soon. It may be something to walk slowly towards. Try placing your index and middle fingers on the the outside of the labia closest to the glans of the clitoris and using the inside of your fingers to bring the labia together, pinching the clitoris inside. Move back and forth like you would if you were going for direct touch. This is a much gentler way to engage the clitoris, then you can bring in the tongue.
About the rear. This is all about using your words. If you get a bunch of women in one room and ask them if they like your finger in their ass during oral, you will have a room split in half. So again, use your words and definitely prepare her by using gentle pressure against the outside of her anus before going in.
Finally, get creative. When you’re down on a woman, remember you have a nose. While you're engrossed in her vagina and labia, go ahead and let the bridge of your nose work on her clitoris. Not only does this feel amazing but seeing the now more exaggerated back-and-forth motion of your head while you're giving oral tells us that you are into it and you can't get enough. You being turned on is contagious.
Remember that all of us are different, not only from each other but from our situations as well. Be courageous and use your words, especially when it comes to sex. Ask questions, get permission, and try new things. We know what feels good for us and believe me, we want you to know too. Pay attention. If there are no sounds to be heard, ask for feedback. If you find yourself receiving one word answers, ask for clarification. For some of us, sex (especially oral sex!) can still feel awkward and shame-y, even though we want it and we enjoy it. Being a supportive and encouraging partner is the best gift you can give. So be a giver and taker of feedback. As you create a safe space where you can both (or all) use your words, you put in place the empowering steps to build a solid, exciting, and mind-blowing sex life!
For more sex tips and tricks, be sure to visit The Sex Summit. ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Patty Fuenzalida is the co-founder of The Sex Summit, a Miami-based company whose purpose is to permanently change how women view and connect with their bodies and their sexuality. To read more, click here.