Ellie's storyI’ve always been sexually attracted to both men and women since I was about 11/12. However, I always thought about men in a romantic way and fantasised about women so I thought it was just a fantasy.
As I got older I always had ‘girl crushes’ which looking back were just crushes. I would want to have sex with men but find myself dreaming about being with a woman.
I found it very difficult to come to terms with my bosexuality because my family are quite traditional and although now they are more accepting, back when I was 16 and really struggling with it, I was not convinced they would believe bisexuality was a real thing. I also found it difficult because I do love the idea of having a family and of course I could have a family with a woman but for it to be biologically both ours and ‘simple’ it would be ‘easier’ to be with a man.
I ‘came out’ to most of my close friends around the time I joined Skirt Club, about 6 months ago. They were all like ‘oh, cool, what’s for dinner?’ which was both reassuring and infuriating!
Obviously I wanted them to be accepting but it was a big deal to me and I couldn’t believe they were so cool with it. We’ve spoken about it more since but now it’s just part of who I am to them. I had told newer friends much before that, because it’s easier to come out to a new person than explain to a close friend that you have been hiding a part of yourself for so many years. Some close friends were hurt by that. I spoke to my sisters about it loosely but didn’t say I was bisexual, just that I had thought about being with a woman. They were both fine with it.
Only very recently, in the last month or so, when I have been through a break up (with a man) my mother started dropping hints that she would be totally fine if my next relationship was with a woman.
I don’t think I will actually 100% come out to her or my father unless I do get into a relationship with a woman but it’s very reassuring to know she is on board with the idea now. My colleagues all know, and my friends too. My family is the last piece in the puzzle but if I fall in love with a woman and she makes me happy, they will be happy.
The first boyfriend I told did not react well, he sobbed and made me feel like it was something really awful. He was very jealous so I think it was the whole ‘oh so many more people to compete with!’ We didn’t speak about it again until we broke up about 2 years later when he used it as a weapon to make me feel dirty and that I wanted to sleep with everyone including my friends.
Luckily although this was traumatic I decided I would start to explore that side of me and went on a date with a woman. Unfortunately we had a bad experience of men shouting at us in a bar, trying to force our heads together and whispering vile things in our ears when we did kiss. Our date was being sexualised for male pleasure. That put me off wanting to come out and I starting dating a man again for another year.
I Googled bisexual dating apps and came across Skirt Club through reading articles online. I thought it sounded exotic and exciting and I noticed there was a Skirt Club event coming up that weekend so I signed up and bought a ticket as soon as I was accepted before I chickened out!
Slipping in to Skirt Club
I didn’t tell anyone about it until after I attended the event because I wasn’t sure of what to expect. I went to a Skirt Club event back in January, I wasn’t sure what to expect and I was really nervous but I had a great time and met some really interesting and amazing ladies. In hindsight I should probably have gone to a Mini Skirt event first as it was a little full on but I do like to go full on in the deep end!
My message for other bi ladies either in or out of the closet would be
Please don’t try to hide a part of yourself! Your sexuality is a big part of who you are and you should be proud!
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