Several years ago I was in a sexless marriage and I didn’t know what my desires were let alone how to communicate them.I was trying to decide to either get the spark back into my relationship or get a divorce. Around this time, I read a book that had been sitting on my shelf for a couple of years called Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts by Regena Thomashauer.
One of the chapters is called Monogamy: Time for a new model? After reading the book, I realised I actually could create a relationship on my own terms and write my own script when it came to living the life I wanted to lead. There were a few hurdles - like the fact that I was living in London with a partner I wanted to leave and my visa to stay got rejected.
I wound up in New York taking a class with Mama Gena (author of the book I’d read) and I found my voice again. I learned it was OK to express my desires, to crave sex and connection and have a rich, rewarding relationship - according to my terms. At the heart of all this...? Understanding how I was wired, erotically.
Understanding your Erotic BlueprintKnowing your sex language aka your Erotic Blueprint™ type is key to unlocking more pleasure and deeper connection in your love life. Your Erotic Blueprint™ is the way you are uniquely wired to receive pleasure. Each type including Energetic, Sensual, Sexual, Kinky and Shapeshifter have a super power side and a shadow side.
The superpowers are all the ways that you can receive pleasure. Even if you are not experiencing all of the super power qualities currently, there’s potential for you to expand into these. A shadow is a part of yourself that is blocking you from experiencing certain aspects of your life. In sexuality, shadows are blocking you from experiencing orgasms, sharing your fantasies, experiencing pleasure, experiencing sensation, and being vulnerable with your partner.
They are shutting you off, shutting you down, and creating shame. Shadows can be healed and transformed, in fact they just want to be seen and acknowledged so that they can become pathways to pleasure.
EnergeticSuper powers: Turned on by anticipation, space and tease; prefers light or hovering touch. Can experience orgasm without even being touched.
Shadows: Hyper-sensitivity may cause them to short circuit and turn off quickly. May dissociate from their bodies.
SensualSuper powers: Turned on by all of their senses being engaged, ambiance, romance, and sensory play. Orgasm may even come from a taste or any of the 5 senses being ignited.
Shadows: Hard time getting out of their heads. Orgasm may seem elusive – almost there then gone. They may worry a lot and project things that are not true.
SexualSuper powers: Turned on by straightforward sex, nudity, orgasms, penetration and direct genital contact.
Shadows: Can get too focused on the end goal and miss the journey. Genitals become the focus and they have a limited definition of what sex is. May feel upset if orgasm doesn’t happen.
KinkySuper powers: Turned on by power dynamics, anything that feels taboo to them, and pushing the edges.
Shadows: A specific fetish can become their only turn on. May hide their desires and have deep shame.
ShapeshifterSuper powers: Turned on by everything above, they are sexually sophisticated and desire variety.
Shadows: They can become bored easily. Always shapeshifting to meet others needs, will leave them unfulfilled and unable to develop their own sexuality. May feel misunderstood or unsatisfiable and like they are too much.
To explore more and figure out what your blueprint type is you’ll want to become an erotic detective and play around with as many different types of touch as you can think of. Try light hovering touch, massaging and grounding touch, spanking, scratching, hair pulling, and then combine 2 or more touches at the same time. Which do you prefer most? Which do you not like? Bonus points for adding sensation items to play with like feathers, paddles, yoni wands, and whatever else is calling you.
"It’s so important to know your blueprint so that you can communicate and ask for what you desire. Once you know your lover’s blueprint you will know how to better please them and honor them in the way they desire."
Life after the blueprintIt’s been a really interesting path since those early days in London before I read the book that awakened me to a different kind of relationship set-up.
"I had some healing to do, but ultimately I knew I needed to meet partners who could meet me where I was at and feel secure knowing that I would want to keep growing and expanding when it came to my sexuality."
A lot of this involved being more open and honest with the kind of open relationship paradigm I was searching for. The blueprint and all the subsequent work I’ve done since have helped me be a better communicator when it comes to my desires…and sharing this knowledge of living openly, honestly and having the kind of juicy relationship every woman deserves has been a privilege - and one I intend to keep passing on!
Stephanie Pappas is a Sex and Relationship Coach, trained in the Erotic Blueprints™️. She specialises in helping couples and singles bring more pleasure, orgasms, and intimate connection into their relationships. Stephanie is a Mastery graduate from the School of Womanly Arts and a hostess at Skirt Club, spreading female sex positivity. She believes sensuality is our power source and when we are connected to Source, our desires are fulfilled. To learn more check out her instagram @coaching.by.stephanie
Want to know more? Take this Erotic Blueprint mini course to learn about your sex language over 5 days. Or take a 5 min quiz to find out your language here.