First of all, I hate the term ‘pick up,’ because it sounds whiny, manipulative and definitely male. And when you’re a woman who wants to meet other women, but not in a way that goes on to define her forever more as a woman who likes women, the game is a little different.

To get started, I think the best square one approach is to get comfy with your own identity. I squandered many years fretting over if I did “x” would that make me “y”? And then what were the implications of that decision. Fundamentally if you do “x,” you do “x.” You are you. You don’t wake up any different, your parents don’t notice something funny about you, and if you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it again. If you do like it, you can do it as many times as you like, then not at all. Or whatever variation suits you. You should have this moral conversation with yourself first because it makes what follows easier.

So here it is: the best way to ‘attract’ or ‘seduce’ or ‘pick up’ or ‘connect with’ another person is to have conviction in yourself and your intentions, i.e. You’re into them for … reason. You don’t care who knows about it and they better give you their phone number right now.

Of course, because we’re women, the language we may use is going to be slightly different, but the process is the same.
  1. You need to communicate that you’re attracted to them. This could be slowing down your speech or occasionally looking down to the lips. It could be implied. You could say “There’s something about you that’s catching me out.” or “Every time I turn to leave this bar, I’m pulled back to this spot.” or “You’re intriguing, I’ll give you that.” These are better phrases to use than “you’re fit.”
  2. Be prepared for them not to feel same way you do. That’s okay. Women particularly like to take the time to get into the idea of liking someone, too. So if they give you uncertainty, wobbles, or hesitation, they might not budge. Be a little unapologetic. Just let them know there’s no rhyme or reason to it, you just like them.
  3. Have clear intentions and a get away plan. This could be that you say, “So, can I take your number?” with white knuckle certainty. It could be that you negotiate “So, here’s what I’d like to do: I’d like to leave this boring party right now…” Yada yada yada.
  4. Don’t take no for an answer. Well, take no if it’s in that situation, because that’s non-consent. But as long as all parties are sober(-ish), fully conscious and wavering, then state what you would like.
  5. Be a great kisser. Have you ever been into someone, kissed them, and then wanted to throw up? It’s a big deal.
And those are the nuts and bolts (or more accurately flowers & froo-froos) of woman to woman hook ups when you’re both currently identifying as pretty ‘straight,’ or that’s what worked for me a couple of times.

If you want more of my advice (& I don’t hold back) I have an awesome site for guys, girls and everything in between at my website, and I also want to tip my hat to Skirt Club who I whole heartedly support in their mission to allow women to be curious.

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