OK darlings, let’s not beat around the bush…
Anal sex is not for everyone; most either love it or they hate it. But whatever your personal feelings, there’s no denying that it’s one subject from between the sheets that attracts a lot curiosity - but far too little conversation. This guide has been written for the women who have not had anal sex, but who might like to try it.
Anal Sex is a topic not often discussed with our girlfriends. Which is a wonder to me, because we all have an opinion on it. But many are still too afraid to admit that actually – some of us really like it…
I, for one, am more than happy to admit that I adore anal. For me, it feels goooood, and I’ve had some great experiences of doing it with both male partners and female playmates. Some women perhaps give in to it – but more so for their partners. This is fine, so long as it’s consensual and you still feel comfortable with the process (perhaps this guide may help you to enhance your relationship with anal going forward).
Some of you, perhaps, are intrigued to try it… but this is where I need you to really listen:There are a lot of women who really hate anal sex. And that’s OK! But there’s a very good chance that the reason they hated it, was because they weren’t fully prepared for it. Because no one talked about it with them before they went in. Which is why I’m here: to share the truths you need to know to ensure that your first-time experience ends up being a good one – even if not one you necessarily repeat.
Communication & ConsentThe two biggest factors when adventuring into ANY new sexual activity is to have a conversation, and to consider your consent. Talk to your partner before engaging in anal activity. Openly discuss with them the boundaries and the expectations – FOR YOU BOTH. Agree to agree – don’t plan to go any further than either of you wishes. Talk about what’s worrying you? What’s exciting you? How far do you want to go on the first time? What would make you feel more secure or relaxed in the moment? Or turned on beforehand? Do you need a safe word to say stop if it all gets too much? Be clear on your own expectations too, and take time to think by yourself before broaching the subject. Communicate before, during, and most definitely afterwards as well – ask, how was it for you? What could be different next time? Will we do this again?
This may sound unsexy, but you’ll thank me for this one. Being fully prepared between the butt cheeks is a very big part of what makes great anal sex. Ensure you have showered or washed thoroughly before engaging in anal intercourse. Let’s be honest – we’re talking about a part of our body which can harbour some nasty bacteria if not properly looked after – and this isn’t just about things smelling pretty, it’s about your internal health too. When engaging with your partner or play mate, be sure to use condoms for cleanliness above anything. NEVER EVER go direct from your butt hole to your vagina – with a dick or a dildo, or even a finger. Wash your chosen object of penetration before going back to between the legs, or change the condom to ensure cleanliness. Failure to do so can cause a nasty UTI – and no one wants that!
Cleanliness is KEY
Anal sex is something to be prepared for, in a very physical sense. For those of you just starting out – think big picture. Be cautious of what you eat in the hours before you plan to do it. Yup, really. Like any sexy date – you don’t want to feel full or bloated, but with anal especially, we’re talking an area of the body that could cause you some distress if not completely taken care of. If you feel full, or you’ve not had ‘too great’ a tummy that day, or if you suspect that you might have some bowel movements building, this is not a good time to have a great anal sex experience. Sex – maybe; anal – no. And whilst we’re here I’m going to be completely upfront and honest – even if a little crude. There is always a possible chance with anal that you could end up with shit on your sheets. Fact! It has happened to me and I’m not afraid to admit it – because I’m human! And whilst I wasn’t too thrilled about it, I also accept this is a risk of the game… be aware, but don’t be embarrassed.
The Big Build Up
As well as your body’s functional preparation, be aware of your physical one too. Take some time in the moment to really relax and breathe deep. If you’re nervous, your body will tense, and you’ll more likely have an uncomfortable experience. Do some yoga a few hours before. Practise stretching. Raising your bottom up high to release some pre-nervous gas can be a big tip for success (and minimise later embarrassment!)Use foreplay as usual and really ramp up the mood for both you and your partner. Take time outs if you need them. Close eyes, breathe together, relax your whole body as one, and ease in to the moment.
Relax and Engage
When the body responds to sexual stimulation, our vagina produces natural lubrication. We. Get. Wet. But our butts can’t do this. There are no lubricant producing glands in the anus, so it’s VITAL that you use a lube that you like before putting anything else up there. Your bottom will thank you later- and so will your partner. In addition to lube, our anus takes a little training to get it to the level we need to have good, comfortable intercourse. Use a small trainer butt plug to begin relaxing the anal shaft before you go in with a full-size dildo or a penis. Pop this in (with plenty of lube) at the start of your foreplay, to help relax your muscles and prepare the butt into opening. If you like, you can even step-up a size again before fully committing to any deeper penetration.
Lube Up and Start Training!
"You’ll also find it a turn on as the sensation begins to build inside your butt, whilst the rest of your body is being played with. Always remember though, to remove butt plugs and anal beads slowly, so not to shock the system."
Go at Your Own PaceIf it’s your first time, take things at a gentle speed. When introducing a penetrating object, start things slow and build up to the depth and rhythm that YOU feel most comfortable with. Don’t expect to go in all guns blazing and begin a pound-a-thon on first entry. That’s not to say you won’t reach that eventually, but start slow - and if it’s not feeling good, it’s OK to stop or back things off until you get there at your own pace. Play around with positions too – not every movement will suit your body, so move around and try new shapes together, until you find one that feels most at ease.
AftercareAs with every new sexual experience, it’s so important to consider what happens afterwards as well. Great anal or not, you may need a big hug from your partner afterwards - this was something new for you both and you may even feel vulnerable. Or… you may want to stop and give each other a great big high five before going back in!
So, that’s your lot… you’ve reached the bottom of the list (no pun intended) but the most important thing to remember is that whatever you feel, your feelings are valid. It really is OK to not like anal sex – and it’s also really OK to totally bloody love it (and to shout about it from the rooftops!) But whatever your view, the above tips should ensure that your first time goes as smoothly as possible, to at least leave you satisfied that you tried it.