What the hell IS squirting?By Cassie Hart
Ah, where do we begin? More than forty years after we sent a rocket up to space using computers less powerful than our mobile phones, boffins declared they had ‘discovered the G Spot’. While the world drew its breath and male scientists patted themselves on the back (or hi-fived, who knows?), those of us already attuned with women’s pussies slow-clapped.
Science is still playing catch up with its knowledge of women’s bodies and there are many among our ranks (particularly in the Skirt Club community) who got their proficiency certificates and sashes long ago. G-spots and clits are kinda our bread and butter. But then... there’s squirting. A phenomenon even hardened gold star lesbians might struggle to claim real knowledge and experience of.
First of all there's a ridiculous amount of confusion in terms of what squirt actually IS. Some Internet keyboard warriors on the internet call it ‘Shejaculate’. Deborah Sundahl, pioneering sex educator and author of Female Ejaculation and the G-spot defines it as an organ from which it’s possible to “awaken it’s sensations and get it’s lovely fountain flowing.”
Many liken the G Spot to being a female prostate which when sexually stimulated can elicit enough ‘erotic juice’ to soak a bed or fill a glass. A study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine argued it could be part pee, while others argue it is undoubtedly a kind of fluid coming from the skene’s glands (tiny glands surrounding the urethra). Others have suggested some squirt appears to be a mixture of both. Dr Nan. Wise, a neuroscientist and therapist even quipped that we probably know just as much (if not more) about the composition of the fluids that flowed on the surface of Mars billions of years ago than we do about the true nature and composition of lady juice.
The first time I squirtedThe first time I squirted, I had no idea what was going on. I had been enjoying a hot and steamy sexual experience with my girlfriend at the time; a great night for sure, but nothing out of the ordinary. No bondage, no extra electronic involvement, just sex. And then, somewhere in the tangle of limbs and closeness of sweat-soaked skin, I squirted. First thought: what the actual fuck. What was that? Second thought: did I just pee myself? I removed myself from the situation and panicked. It was like my body had thrown me a curveball, when I finally thought that we understood one another. I thought I knew what turned me on, what I liked and what I didn’t. Then this happened, out of the blue. My partner asked what was wrong. She thought it was hot. She thought it was sexy. She also thought I had meant to do it. She was wrong.
Squirting isn’t a controlled action. It’s not something you choose to do, at a particular moment. It’s also not really something you can replicate. Believe me, I tried. After I got over the initial confusion of that first time, I felt a pressure to do it again. I wanted to do it again. I wanted to figure out why it had happened, how I could control it. People I slept with tried to make it happen once they learned it was something I could do. Sex became like a performance. I felt like if it didn’t happen, if they couldn’t make it happen, they considered it a reflection on my sexual satisfaction. Another misconception.
“I have orgasmed and not squirted. I have squirted and not orgasmed. It has happened in various scenarios. But it never happens if I try to force it. Not once. I became frustrated at my lack of control over my own body. I have a hard enough time letting go as it is, without an extra unpredictable addition like this!”
For a while it impacted my sex life. That didn’t last long. I learnt to make peace with it, and I slowly have learnt to be okay with the fact that it might happen. Or it might not. That’s the secret. Sexual experience is a way of getting to know yourself. A journey that you begin as one person, the person you think you are. Then along the way, you discover new and hidden things about yourself. I think, at that point, you have a choice. You can accept them, embrace them, explore this new you. Or you can fight them, discard them, and carry on as normal.
How can I squirt?Just like most elements of the female body, there is no how to guide. We are all different, and as such, whilst we are all probably capable of squirting, we won’t all achieve it in the same way. We have all seen porn films where a girl is squirting what looks like a ridiculous amount of liquid from her body. It looks incredible and is received with much appreciation. But, like much porn, it’s not something that should be aspired to. It can vary from a trickle to a full on waterfall. I’ve experienced both and everything in between. There are no tried and tested methods that can produce the reaction you probably want. And it’s not what you should be aiming to achieve. Like anything sexual, squirting comes down to a few key factors surrounding sexual exploration. The more you try, the more open you’ll be. And the more likely to experience something new.
1. Being relaxed
2. Being patient
3. Being open minded
4. Being brave
Skirt Club members already achieve these when they come to our events. Sex with women requires all of the above. But squirting isn’t for others. It’s for you. It’s an experience that teaches you something new about your body and what it can do. Whether you’re 18 or 58, that journey of self discovery never ends. Female bodies continue to change and amaze us. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. If you focus on your self awareness: your breathing, your energy, your pleasure; you will be more open to possibility. Like me, you may find it happens without trying. You may find it never happens, no matter how much you try.
‘Olympic Squirter’ and orgasmic superhero Lola Jean holds the crown for being a world record holder for volume squirted within a one minute period, by ejecting 1250mL out of her body in under 25 seconds. Even she confesses that there isn’t really a ‘secret sauce’ or special ingredient when it comes to squirting.
“The body is intricate, complex, and beautiful. Every vulva is different, like a snowflake...there is no "one size fits all" technique when it comes to pleasing a vulva owner…”
Know your own body firstBetween you and me, I can tell you that in my experience, it’s most likely to happen when you’re on your own. Just you, some candles, a good playlist (I recommend Skirt Club Sexy Slow – Hot Hands, Darius in particular!), curtains drawn and no distractions. Breathe. Smile. Touch your own skin. Run your hands everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Nobody is watching. Nobody is judging. Nobody has any expectations and nobody needs anything from you. You’ll be amazed at what you can discover.
“When we truly let go, a difficult concept for many women, we can achieve so much. Without pressure, we can be truly free. It’s not selfish. It’s not unimportant. It’s a priority. It’s an element of self care. It’s a promise you made to yourself when you joined our community. A commitment to self exploration and self love”
So go forth and explore, ladies...just remember though, a towel on the bed always comes in handy!
Read similar content on Skirt Club:
Cassie Hart: How I became body confident
Alternative Female Erogenous Zones - a guide
How to discover what she likes